I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
