I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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