Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
