great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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