We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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