is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
