I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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