Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
