stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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