we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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