but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
