If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
