Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
