So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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