here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
