seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
