did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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