ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
