Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize