i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
