Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
