I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
