i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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