one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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