We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
