Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
