If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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