I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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