She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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