I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
