The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
