you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
