dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
