good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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