Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
