Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
