I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
