The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
