her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
