Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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