Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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