so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
