just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
