I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
