dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
