i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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