no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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