So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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