haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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