that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
