the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
