Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
