my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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