ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
