i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
