I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
