Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
