She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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