she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
