I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
