found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
