Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
