if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
