Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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