I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
